Why The Pre-Ceremony First Look Is The Worst Addition To Your Wedding Day

I’m sure you experienced it. The moment you got engaged, maybe 24 hours after it happened and the adrenaline subsided, the bombarding commenced. Ads in the mail, targeted Facebook campaigns, Instagram promotions, spam emails…. All wedding vendors trying to grab your attention and to convince you to book them for your wedding. They all bring a certain level of bias into the mix. The florist has opinions, the DJ simply won’t recommend that you place the cake cutting before the toasts, and the photographer (that’s me) does not recommend you try and recreate that mountain-backdrop portrait you saw on Pinterest. You live in Kansas for goodness sake! At the end of the day, as you manage all that communication, balance the itinerary, and make sure Uncle Bob has the requisite Miller Light at the open bar, it’s easy to forget what really matters.

How do you feel on your wedding day? Can you remember it? Are those fleeting moments crafted in such a way so as to allow your mind to take a backseat to your heart? It sounds corny, but your wedding is of as much emotional significance as it is legal - if not more.

How Does The First Look Fit Into This Equation?

The first look is arguably to most hotly-debated topic in my client consults. If you didn’t know, the “first look” in the wedding industry is when you and your betrothed, before the ceremony, see each other and have a few quiet moments together before the hustle and bustle of the rest of the wedding day begins. Technically, the first look could also be at the ceremony as the bride walks down the aisle, but in the context of weddings, the “first look” is almost exclusively reserved for the pre-ceremony version. 

When I ask my couples if they’re doing a first look, if they haven’t had the conversation yet, the answer isn’t always apparent. Maybe your cousin chose not to do a first look, and she really enjoyed seeing her bride for the first time during the ceremony. But, of course, your best friend did his first look before the ceremony and continues to praise the logistical benefits that doing so afforded his wedding day timeline. So, the choice could go both ways.

The fact of the matter is this, and I want to make it abundantly clear to my couples and any couples reading this: Never sacrifice the traditional or emotional significance of a moment during your wedding day to the benefit of the timeline. Sure, allowing the couple to see each other before the ceremony removes much of the tasks between the ceremony and reception. However, if guests have to wait an extra 30 minutes for the meals to be served, that’s fine, nobody will starve. If the DJ needs to wait to play the walk-in music, it’s okay, they deal with that all the time. If the photographer needs to cram a few extra family photos into an hour than they planned to, no worries! It’s part of the gig, and we can always do some night photos with the couple (which I highly recommend). 

If you were looking forward to the pivotal moment in your life when you see your person standing at the other end of that aisle, glowing like they never have before, then hold on to that. Keep that close to your heart, and your partners on your wedding day will adapt and, most importantly, be excited for you in that choice. So, this first look event that you see in countless magazines and articles may be for some people, but it also may not be for you! 

Why The First Look Is The Best Addition To Your Wedding Day

On a wedding day, you and your vendors work a delicate balance between the logistics of the actual event, to the emotional flow of one of the biggest days of your life. As a photographer, I’m with you and your spouse every step of the way through the day, so I’m there for all the choked-back tears and hurriedly mis-buttoned suit jackets (guys, don’t fasten that bottom button). When the timeline is fast-approaching the point in the day where excited and hungry guests start arriving, this is often where the most jam-packed two hours of the wedding occur. Utilizing a first look before the ceremony can totally change how you and your family feel after you say “I Do.” Let’s break that down:

The Power Hour (And A Half)

I mentioned that, often after the ceremony, the couple and relevant family members can feel rushed and ultimately stressed by the timeline. People often try and cram everything and the kitchen sink into the time between the ceremony and reception. I call this the “Power Hour [And A Half]”. Here, you must balance the need to get a bunch of photos done in a short amount of time, and the gurgling tummies of your hangry wedding guests. An example of this would be:

3:00 - Ceremony

3:30 - Ceremony End

3:45 - Receiving Line Finishes

3:50 - Family Photos

4:20 - Wedding Party Photos

4:40 - Couple Creative Portraits

5:00 - Line Up For Reception Entrance

You can see how this timeline presents some major issues. The first is that we must face reality… The reality that your family photo time will likely go over what the timeline prescribes. Maybe it’s your distracted uncle Steve, whose attention is being pulled in two directions by both the open bar and his frustrated wife calling his name. Maybe it’s your little cousin who, though she nailed her role as the flower girl, can’t seem to stop crying over the fact that, no, she’s not allowed to yank down the cloth draped over the ceremony arbor. Whatever roadblock your wedding day will throw in your direction, it will likely happen during family photos due to the many moving parts. This pushes the ever-important wedding party and couple creative photo sections deeper into the reception time, where famished guests and anxious vendors await you.

There Is An Easy Fix

If you’re willing to relocate the experience of your first look from the ceremony aisle to an earlier time of the day, then virtually all of your scheduling woes for the rest of the day wash away, at least from a photography perspective. Placing a set time for doing a first look allows us to complete your creative portraits, wedding party shots, and even some family photos, all before the ceremony.

Then, once the ceremony is finished, all we have to worry about is grabbing the remaining family photos - usually extended family and large groups. If we have the time, we can grab a few post-marriage photos of you and your now-spouse in the time before the reception. The rest of the day flows really smoothly, and the only real adjustments you may have to make to accommodate the first look is to start your getting-ready processes an hour or so earlier in the day. A small price to pay for this huge scheduling weight off your back! So many of my couples have told me that they loved the small, quiet moments that happened during their first look. Many use it as an opportunity to read personal notes to each other, or to exchange gifts. As a plus, it makes for some really beautiful, powerful photos!

We, as wedding vendors, really want you to have a beautiful, stress-free day that you remember fondly. If you’re having trouble fitting everything into your current itinerary, consider adding a first look!